Living with a Demented Person

Is it wrong to call someone with dementia “demented”? It sounds derogatory and yet I think it is the correct terminology.

My dad decided they needed a new washer and dryer. He bought new ones and they were to be delivered about a month apart. My parents have a laundry room. Instead of letting the (young, strong) delivery guys move the old washer out and install the new one, my dad decided to get the ball rolling the night before. He and mom moved the washer and dryer out of the laundry room so when the delivery guys came the next day with the new washer, part of their job was done for them. Yes, my dad is 87 and mom is 83.

The delivery guys moved the old washer out to their truck and put the new washer in the laundry room, but my dad wouldn’t let them connect the hoses. He said it’s his house and he wants to do it his way. (I’ve heard this attitude before: “don’t come in my house and tell me how to do something.”) So that left the old dryer sitting in the breakfast room just outside the laundry room. The new dryer wasn’t scheduled to be delivered for a month so my dad got mom to help him move the dryer back into the laundry room.

I guess I should count my blessings that my folks are healthy enough to do all this. But listening to mom tell me about it on the phone is heartbreaking. I wish mom had a partner who cared about her and treated her with respect. And I wish my dad would see the sense in letting younger, stronger men move heavy appliances. Neither of my wishes will come true because he has dementia.